This is a core concept I’ve been struggling with. I was taught that when you find love, you stay with that person forever. I have failed at this. I tried to convince myself that I was simply mistaken. That it wasn’t love in the first place. Thanks to a friend, an ex actually, who pointed out that I do still love the last woman I was dating, I started to really think about this. (By the way I love you too! You know who you are.) I’m coming to terms with the idea that it can be possible to have disliked several things about someone and still have actually, truly, loved them.
Fittingly this song came on the radio as I drove home (my 2000 vw bug doesn’t even have a working CD player).
If it’s true that it’s possible to have loved someone, and still not really like them, then you can’t really expect to be with them forever, can you? It follows then that Love doesn’t have to last forever, or even more than one night. That’s a polar extreme though. If you want to be with someone, and you end up together for years, that’s awesome. It works even better if you know you don’t have to. Being together by choice, until you’re ready to move on, whenever that may be, has a certain beauty to it.
There’s a line in the animated Batman movie, Mask of the Phantasm, where the Joker quips “You can’t help who you fall in love with”. This may be true, but just because you love someone, doesn’t mean that they’ll will be the only one, or that they should be.
So I’m going to relax a bit. In my previous post that touched on the subject of relationships, I was worried that getting involved with anyone right now would be a bad idea, because I don’t have time for a relationship. I was certain that I would fall in love again, whether I wanted too or not. The fantasy about one true love forever would kick in and I’d run, scared of the heartbreak that a relationship always brings. I presumed that falling in love would lead to a relationship, and that relationship would have to last forever, or it wouldn’t be love. It’s nonsense, and I’m done letting the paradoxical failure machine I’ve built continue to hurt and confuse me.
I’m going to ask that girl out, and see what happens. It may take a little while. I want to get to know her a little first. Ease into it slowly and test this new theory. Besides, you have to gain experience to level up.