I feel better about my future than I have in a long time. Despite well meaning people pointing out some of the difficulties and complications I might face going home. I assure you I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought of almost nothing but this as I saw my bills pile up and my paychecks get smaller. Deciding to go home feels like the right decision. It’s not the easy decision, it wasn’t even remotely easy. I’m still crying a little 5 days after I woke up just knowing that I miss my family, and I had to go home. I’ve been denying it too long.
We’ve covered this already. What we haven’t really explored, because I feel like it’s a little taboo to admit, is that a lot of this decision is tactical too. Being around people who miss me, love and support me, is part of that. It’s going to give me a more positive environment to write in. The stress has been distracting! I didn’t really notice it was there until I snapped 5 days ago.
If I can get by for a while on the money I’d make as in home care, I can still get a lot more writing time. I’d could even snuggle up in the living room as Grandma natters away watching tv and knitting. While Grandad flicks at the newspaper says random things that may be related to what he’s reading. As I scribble away in my notepad or tap at my tablet. It almost literally gladdens my heart to imagine it. I can’t frigging wait!
I love my Grandparents dearly, and I would be honored to live with them as long as the fates allow. I worry a little how they will accept my little weirdnesses. I like to dye my hair black and wear it both long and partly shaved. I like to have my nails badly painted and chipped. I’m also wearing a skirt as I write this. So far it’s a house-skirt. I’ve only been bold enough to walk to the end of the street and back in it.
I may not break out the skirt in front of them. I might try the nails though. They’ve seen me gothy before as a teen. They were great about it then. Very supportive. I shouldn’t be worried, but I am. Not sure what I’d actually do if Grandad makes fun of me, or challenges my manhood. I’m 36. I should have grown out of this by now right? I’m being ridiculous. They’re two of the best people I know. They’ve always been there for me. I need to be there for them.
I can hang out in the garden. Walk down to the local shop. Even nip to the nearby pub for a bit if I want. If circumstances necessitate, I might even be able to take the bus to town! I might even get into Pokemon Go! to encourage myself to get out and about. I may not need it though. Right now the thought of walking around the streets of Dalton seems idyllic. It feels like being in love.
My muse is returning. The happy writing. Joyful writing is already beginning to trickle through into my words. I feel less desperate, less motivated by the fear of failure, and more hopeful than ever. I don’t need to keep going down the difficult path alone. I can start climbing out of this pit I’ve been lowering myself into to try and find a safer way up. This is my way out, and I won’t be doing it alone anymore.
My friends are great. Some of the best people I’ve ever met, but we’re all going through our own trials and challenges right now. At least one of us has to take a shortcut out. I’m going to find my star, and when I’m securely anchored, I’m going to help my friends and family up too. Family first though. The clan comes first. I want to make sure my nieces are densely educated and horribly spoiled! I want to take care of all of those who have loved me. Anything you can do to help me achieve this level of success will be rewarded, on a first come, first served basis! 🙂
I want to give my parents enough money to be able to hire servants! My sister needs a personal bodyguard, called Frank. Built like a tank with a heart of pure sunshine and rainbows. My nieces will be the world’s first it-girl academics, adored the worlds over for their intelligence and adorable cuteness! My Grandparents will having anything they could ever want. I hope. All of this will be made much easier by living among them.
Just a few more days to wait. I want to be sure I have more than enough money for the ticket home. I can’t leave this to chance. If the only ticket available is for $2000 and I have to ride strapped on the roof rack with an oxygen tank, I have to be able to take it!
Take a look at the other articles under the “Liquidation Sale!” topic, see if there’s anything you want to buy, or just donate via paypal. Help me go home. Please.
Okay, so there’s now there are two articles in which I beg. Sorry. It’ll be worth it. I promise.