Finding the Upside

It’s been a week full of ups and downs. At the beginning of the week it dawned on me that the freelancer site, UpWork.com, needed my banking information so that I could receive any income I make through it. Then I realised that I hadn’t notified the bank of my change of address.

The bank allowed me to fill in the change of address online, but required me to print them out and hand-deliver them to my local branch. The nearest branch is in Carmarthen, about 10 miles away from Kidwelly. Luckily my parents had some errands to run there anyway. so I could just tag along.

After the banker had typed everything on the paper form into the computer and thrown the printed forms away (yep, that happened), we discovered that GAME was hiring. For those who don’t know, GAME is a store that sells new and used video games, gaming consoles, gaming accessories, merch and used mobile devices. It’s similar to GameStop in America.

I’ve worked for GAME in the past, in fact my first ever job was working for Electronics Boutique which later became GAME. I have fond memories of working there. I was delighted to discover that the position being offered was full-time. This meant that I wouldn’t have to worry about money. I could afford to move into the flat that I’ve had my eye on, and focus on writing my own stories instead of freelancing!

I applied for the job that night (Monday), and was offered an interview on Wednesday that would take place on Friday! It was all moving so quickly, I didn’t even print the extra ‘Odd-Job Antony‘ flyers that I had been planning on posting around town. It felt like everything was falling into place.

Then the day of the interview came. Everything was going well. I looked great. Dad and I got into Carmarthen early. We even had time to chat with a chap called Constantine who was selling ‘Big Issue’ magazines. He says he’ll email me about ghost-writing a book for him. We’ll see if it happens.

The interview did not go as well as I hoped. I think I sounded nervous. I should have done more research into upcoming games. However, the biggest disappointment was discovering that the job posting on the official GAME recruitment page was wrong. It wasn’t a full time position, just an eight hour contract. Nevertheless, some money coming in would be better than no money, so I still expressed an interest in the job. I may have been too eager. They said they would let me know yesterday. They didn’t.

Oh well, I’ll keep trying to find work. I have also applied for a full time position waiting tables at a local cafe, and a part-time job at Kidwelly Castle. I’m not going to give up there’s always more opportunities. On the plus side, not being able to find work means I get to spend more time with my family. I missed them a lot when I was in America and it’s been great being around them again.

I should probably just go with it. Accept and enjoy the fact that I’m living with my parents and use the time to write every day an work on my books. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly, there’s no better time to focus on my writing. They’re not putting any pressure on me to provide an income and help them pay the bills or to move out, in fact they’ve told me the opposite. I can stay as long as I need to. After all, they’ve missed me too.

Dad gave me a model kit earlier in the week, so I built it yesterday. It’s a hydraulic arm and it was really fun to build. It was just as much fun to play with when it was done. Dad had it to give him something to do other than church stuff, but he’s so busy that he’s never gotten around to building it.

robot-arm.jpg
Pretty cool isn’t it?

When I was putting it together I dropped a piece or two. As anyone knows that has ever made anything from a kit, the bits that go flying off the sprue and go bouncing across the floor are the tiny bits that are really hard to find. When I found the bits I was very pleased with myself, and it occurred to me that at one time I would have continued to beat myself up for losing the item in the first place rather than enjoying the little victory.

In a way, not being able to get a job, any freelance work, or any odd-jobs either is also a good thing. It means I have no choice but to stay with my family and heal a little longer. It’s been a rough few years emotionally, and the unconditional love has been good for me. I should accept it as a gift.

In which case I should stop worrying about finding a job or finding my own place, and just write. That’s what I wanted to do anyway when I first moved back to the UK, but circumstances required me to earn an income. However those circumstances have changed. I don’t have to push myself so hard.

I think I’m still tying to prove that I’m capable of looking after myself. I’m not sure who I’m trying to prove it to, or why it’s so important. I do know that living with my parents and letting them take care of me is the opposite of being independent. However, being independent and successful is only really important if you’re trying to find a romantic partner. I’m in no hurry to get my heart stomped on again, so that’s out.

The main reason I’d still like to be successful though is to give something back. My sister and her fiance would like to have a home together, which they can’t until he manages to sell off his one bedroom farmhouse that isn’t big enough for my sister and her two daughters to live in. It would be nice to be able to throw money at the problem and fix it. My Dad is working way to hard and doesn’t feel like he’s doing what he set out to accomplish. Again, I’d love to throw money at the problem and fix it.

So maybe I should stop distracting myself trying to find a job that pays me now, and finish writing my stories so I can start building a fan base and earning royalties? If I remove the pressure to make money, maybe writing will become fun again and it’ll stop feeling like something I have to do.

Yep. I think that’ll be good.

Speaking of fun, I have a City of Gate update to write! Have a great day 🙂

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