I was right. I couldn’t stay sleeping. It’s been 5 hours, more than I expected, and it’s technically the next day. I’m going to try and get back to sleep again soon, but something about the way I’m writing these journal entries is starting to bother me a little. I’m only writing this for me. I’m not ever going to upload this to the N•Viron network. Yet I keep writing it as if I’m talking to someone, explaining things to someone.
Don’t people normally talk to each other instead? Maybe, but I often find my friends are busy. They’re usually doing something else while I’m talking and not really paying attention anyway, so what’s the difference? The journal can’t give me eye-contact or nod appreciatively in response to something I’ve said, but I don’t get that from people either. Likewise the journal won’t suddenly lock eyes with me looking confused and ask me what I’ve been talking about. Nor will it look frustrated or irritated that I’m distracting them from the game, N•Vel or chat that they’re currently occupied with. It’d be different if they tell you, but they usually don’t.
You can have better luck engaging someone in conversation if you initiate a chat via the N•Viron. They’ll often still try to multi-task and chat while playing or working. I’m guilty of it myself, or at least I was. I don’t even really try anymore. I’ve kept myself to myself lately, finding it easier to express myself in writing than by reaching out to anyone. The journal doesn’t talk back, or talk over you to tell me about it’s own day instead, or even leave when I’m not done talking. It lets me say whatever I want to say. No more, no less.
I suppose that’s why I tend to write like I’m talking to it. It’s like I subconsciously recognise that I’m using the journal the same way others might use a conversation with a friend or relative, or a therapist. To get the thoughts out of my own head.
I’m going to have another try at sleeping now.