12/07 From Crush to Crushed

Well at least now I know why she hasn’t been talking to me. We had been talking all the time. We would chat about anything we wanted to whenever we wanted to. But the chat’s stopped coming. I’d try to start one, or see her at work and try to talk in person, but she’d give me a one word answer at best and move on.

I had thought it was just because had been moving too fast when it wasn’t supposed to be serious. It had started to feel serious. The ‘L’ word slipped out. To be fair she did say it first, but I had been the first one to bring up the subject of love in conversation, and suggest maybe it was okay to feel love, to be in love with someone, and understand right from the start that it could change.

Maybe I brought this on myself, but I had hoped that it would last a little longer. I certainly want it to end like this.

I still have full access to her public profile. I’d set up my newsfeed to show me everything she posts, so when she shared an experience of her and Psy-Man looking all cute together I saw it. I’d never understood the old phrase ‘my heart dropped’ until that moment.

Psy-Man! For grets sake! Frakking Psy-Man! Of all the people that Lena could’ve decided to mash gonads with.

I sent a chat to clarify, just to make sure that I wasn’t misinterpreting this. I knew though, as soon as I saw that 5 seconds of augmented reality capturing the moment between Lena and Psy-Man, that it was over. She replied by apologising for going on a date with him, and later claimed that hadn’t slept together, and it wasn’t even ‘really’ a date. I had to process this for a while, amazed that this woman I had connected with was being so dishonest and inconsistent.

8 hours later she sent me a chat asking if I was okay, I told her that I would get over it. It was then that she confessed that she had “fallen for someone”. I didn’t need her to tell me who. There was another experience posted shortly after of the two of them giggling together.

I’m hurt, but I suppose I’m grateful that I found out now, rather than later. It would have been much worse if it had lasted more than one insanely fun week. Mostly I’m just angry at myself for allowing someone to hurt me again. I’m also pissed Psy-Man found another way to humiliate me.

I’m going to have to see them both at work tomorrow. The thought of it makes me wish that I had never heard of the Hermes project. I can’t let it get to me though. I want this opportunity more than anything. I’ve dreamed of travelling through space since I was a kid. I’d hoped to build a spacecraft of my own since not long after. That’s why I got so into fixing things. I wanted to know how things worked. Learning about the Hermes project reminded me of those childhood dreams and rekindled my passion, and now I get to modify and repair an actual spacecraft.

I’m not going to let some slimy bastard and a dishonest slut stop me.

 

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One thought on “12/07 From Crush to Crushed

  1. Pingback: To Rewrite Or Not To Rewrite?  – Antony M Copeland

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