I found her in the Pan pod. As close to earth as it it possible to get. She was just staring up at the ceiling, her mouth agape, and it stank. Definitely dead. It was like looking at a broken doll.
A couple of rats were taking cautious nips at her skin. I chased them off. I never did catch Mrs Tiddles, but there must have been others. I see too many of them running around for it just just be her brood. I have no idea why I’ve never seen them until now. Too distracted perhaps?
I haven’t caught one yet. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I did. Everyone knows that the head twist to break the neck is fake. Necks are supposed to twist. I’m just going to get bit and it’ll run off again.
So what do I do now? Drift along in space alone trying to catch rats? Do I have the will to keep going knowing that it’s pointless? Maybe I’ll go crazy and start breeding rats to keep me company, and then killing them for sport when they get to be too much.
I cried when I was shoving Lena’s corpse into the reclaimer. Dragging her out of the pod and through to the gaping hole was bad enough. It occurred to me that it would be the last time I touched her. The last time I would touch anyone. Ever again.
Why am I even bothering with this. No-one’s ever going to read this but me. Decades worth of “I’m still alive, I’m still alone, and this is still pointless.”
I’m throwing this away too.