09/02 Kaye

I met Kaye in a Coffee shop. She smiled at me. Not just a friendly smile for a customer. She smiled at me, several times, with her whole face. It was beautiful. She is beautiful. She deserves better than my desperate attempts at romance.

Desperate is exactly how I feel too. My heart aches, like there were stitches holding it together that have busted under the strain and it’s pumping hot blood out against the inside of my chest. Every beat is agony. I can’t keep this up. Yet the thought of ending it with Kaye only makes me feel worse. Even though it would give me the time I clearly need to heal my still broken heart.

She really has her shit together. Kaye. She doesn’t just work at the coffee shop, where she earns more Arpies than anyone else  making perfect coffees. She also owns chickens and grows vegetables. Kaye’s got quite a wide circle of friends too, all of whom happily give her Arpies for her fresh eggs and produce. I help out in her garden where I can.

She’s a truly wonderful woman. I want so badly to be happy, but I’m not. Perhaps it’s because it’s so simple. She makes no demands of me other than spending time with her, requires no great sacrifice. She also doesn’t have some crazy conspiracy theory. Kaye is everything I had been looking for before I met Tanisha. I love everything about her, and I want to love her too. The closest I can seem to manage is pain.


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