ADHD Makes Adulting Harder Than It Should Be!

I’m juggling so many thoughts right now I don’t even know where to start, so I’m just going to start writing and see what happens.

I have ADHD. Almost everyone knows that this means I have trouble paying attention, but to say this is an oversimplification is an understatement. If I’m interested in something, not only do I have no trouble paying attention, I become hyper-focused. This can come in handy and help me get things done. Providing nothing breaks my focus.

That’s where it can be a problem. I’m rather easily distracted. Sometimes, I can provide myself with a controlled distraction. Like a fidget toy or a movie playing in the background. Something that can occupy my hyperactive mind without taking too much focus from my primary goal. It doesn’t always work though. Especially if I wasn’t particularly interested in the task to begin with.

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That’s the other not-so-fun part. I have no control over my hyper-focus. Sometimes something I’ve been really into before, doesn’t interest me at all another time. It can be really confusing. A good example of this is self-improvement books and books about living with ADHD. I will go through periods of reading books and listening to audiobooks to better myself and I’ll eagerly absorb every word they say, then suddenly I’ll pick up a book, or press play, and nothing will go in. This can be very frustrating. How can I control my ADHD when my ADHD won’t let me learn how?

Jobs are the hardest though. When I first start any new job, I’m generally fairly eager to learn everything there is to know about the job. Except when I tried car sales. I couldn’t get any product product info to stick because I just don’t care about cars. However, for the most part, I learned quickly and voraciously about how to do the job. I do well, and often hit my targets in the first couple of months. Then I get bored, because I know how to do it and I’m not interested anymore.

I have a few tricks to get around this. I fold origami at my desk, or fiddle with magnet puzzles, or Transformers (the ones with lots of steps). Most managers will consider these activities distracting and assume that they’re to blame for my low-productivity, when in fact it’s the only thing keeping me working at all.

That’s why I thought a writing career would be better. No bosses telling me how to do a job I already know how to do in my sleep. No trying to sell products that I don’t believe in. No boring. Or so I thought. It turns out that writing a story can get really boring. Especially if it’s a formulaic narrative that a client wants you to write because it hits all the bullet points that the marketing tells them it should.

Even the stories I’m writing for myself. If I already know how it ends, then trying to put it into detailed words that allow other people to see the direction the story takes can be a little tedious. Admittedly, I often find that the characters add interesting details to the narrative that I hadn’t originally anticipated, but getting to those ‘wow’ moments can be a slog. Then there’s re-writes! Sometimes I don’t want to write another word simply because, once I’ve finished, I need to rewrite the whole fucking thing to check for errors and tighten up the plot. Boring!!

I had these big ambitions of writing everyday, like it was my full-time job (because it would be). Being the next J. K. Rowling and living in luxury. In reality I sometime go for days without writing anything, and even then it’s only because of ‘The City of Gate‘ and ‘The N-Viron Network‘.

Speaking of which, I love writing those stories and if I could somehow make a living running those RP groups, I think I’d be in heaven. I’ve had the idea of selling merch, but I don’t think my audience much cares about ‘The City of Gate’ t-shirts and miniatures. The minis will be a particularly hard sell, just because they’re so expensive. Particularly if I want to make a profit selling them. More on that later.

At the moment I don’t make a lot of money. None, in fact, from the writing. I can, however, make up to about £120 per week doing odd-jobs. I like doing the odd-jobs. I get to help people, do something physical, get some fresh air, meet new people, and make a little money. Since I’m not a fully licensed and insured handyman, I only charge £10 per hour and generally only work in two hour shifts for each client. If I can work my way up to two clients per day, Monday thru Friday, I could make £800 per month.

This would be fine if the plan was still to stay with my parents for as long as I could, save up £1000 of ‘oh shit’ money, and then start working on getting a car and a place of my own. However, I now have a girlfriend. My parents house has no soundproofing whatsoever. If my parents are in the living room (directly above my room) I can hear everything they say and every footstep they take. There are occasions when my gf and I would like some privacy.

Over the last couple of days I’ve been looking into the cost of renting a flat. I’m pricing it up as if it was just me since, understandably, my gf doesn’t want to commit to moving in with me just yet. We’ve only been a couple for just over a month. Kidwelly, the town I live and work in, doesn’t have any one-bedroom flats available at the moment, according to my Google search results. However, the nearby city of Carmarthen has a few places available in the £300 – £400 per month range.

On top of that I’d need to pay council tax (about £60), utilities (included with some places but up to £120 on top otherwise), a monthly bus card so I can still do my odd-job gigs in Kidwelly and get around in general (£21, I think), handyman insurance so I can take gigs from the council or businesses (a little under £100), and food (both to cook at home and to grab on the go, about £280 per month). Altogether that’s £980 per month, which is way more than I can afford right now.

If I also take into account that there’s going to be additional surprise expenses, like new tools, dates, the occasional gift, a sudden pet, and it’s clear that I have to modify my plan. Hence why I’ve been seriously thinking about other ways I could make money, such as selling ‘The City of Gate’ merchandise.

I’ve designed some pretty awesome miniatures through a website called HeroForge. The ‘premium plastic’ versions of each mini cost £29.99 to 3D print (about £20), which is fairly reasonable for a custom-made miniature. The bit that makes me nervous is marking up the price so that I can make a profit.

Most of the books I’ve read on starting up a business point of that the biggest mistake new businesses make is undervaluing their product. They set the price too low, and end up making a loss when people ask for a discount. At least on of them recommended an 800% markup. That way you can offer them a 50% discount, it looks like they’re getting and amazing deal, and you’re still in profit.

If I did that then each mini would be $239.92, marked down to $119.96. In GBP that’s £159.95 marked down to £79.97 (roughly). Tell me honestly, as awesome as these minis are, would you pay nearly 80 quid for it, even if the ‘full price’ was £160?

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If so, that’s awesome, but I’m thinking that a $15 (£10) profit per mini is more reasonable. This would make the premium plastic versions $44.99 (about £30) and the standard plastic $34.99 (about 20). The difference being that the premium plastic is design to be paintable. People are still welcome to cut out the middleman and design their own HeroForge minis, but if they want the characters designed by me and the players of ‘The City of Gate’ then they can pay the extra.

I’m open to other ideas though. I’m even willing to consider going back to working full time if a) I can find full-time work in Carmarthen so I don’t have to commute so much and b) I can find a role that won’t bore me stupid within three months. I’d also still like to become a full-time writer, but I may have to get a better handle on my ADHD before I can seriously consider that a career.

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I have (finally) registered with a local doctor’s office. So soon I will get to see if a British Doctor will agree with my American Doctor about it being ADHD, or if it’s something else (I’ve noticed a few autistic behaviours, particularly when I’m stressed). Maybe there’s even some sort of benefit I’m eligible for.

I’m going to the Job Centre in Carmarthen tomorrow anyway for the next step in the process of Job-Seekers allowance. I looked into it because my Mother suggested it and found out that if I drop below 16 hours work a week, I can get a little help. It won’t be anywhere near enough to reach my monthly target, but it will help when the gardening gigs drop off and I’m begging people to let me hang shelves or organise their junk room.

I think that covers everything I’m stressing out about at the moment. Oh, wait! There’s also the fact that I have recently started a Games and Geekery group in Kidwelly, and that most of my friends and odd-job clients are in Kidwelly, so even if I did have a place of my own in Carmarthen, I’d still be spending most of my time in Kidwelly anyway!

I may need to think this through some more. Any suggestions and advice would be appreciated. I know there was something else I wanted to bring up, but it’s gone.

Have a great day 🙂

 

 

Is Anyone Listening?

Every so often I write another post declaring that I’m going to get organised and start writing like it’s my full time job, and yet I still find myself procrastinating. Even my attempts to identify and eliminate whatever it is holding me back has just become another way to procrastinate.

I can’t blame relationship stress, because I’m not in one. I can’t blame trying to find time to time write while working a full-time job, because I don’t have a job right now except writing. I can’t even use the fact that I don’t have a steady income as an excuse, because I’m living with family who support my desire to write full time. I can’t blame loneliness or homesickness either, because I’m home with my family.

I really have no excuse. I just need to develop the discipline. What I’d like ideally is for people who like my stories to let me know they like them, and pester me for more. I know this sounds egotistical, but I also know it works. My parents have read The Haunted Story: Dead Letter and they want to know what happens next, but they also don’t want to read it until it’s finished.

As a result, I’ve been making myself write more of The Haunted Story: Investigation every day. Sometimes I miss a day or two, but for the most part I’m making progress.

Would you be willing to help me?

I used to do weekly updates to Hermes925. I’d be willing to do something similar for The Haunted Story, and perhaps even start doing Hermes925 updates again, if I was getting some encouragement from my audience. Some reassurance that people want what I’m writing. While it’s true that I’m writing these stories for me, I’d also like to know that I’m not wasting my time.

Everyone likes to feel good about what they’ve chosen to do with their lives, or at least know that people are listening when they speak.

Do you ever feel like no-one is listening?

If I’m being ignored, does that mean I’m not good enough?

Despite feeling happier than I have in years, I can feel the depression still lingering beneath the surface. Telling me that all of this is futile. That whining about it won’t help. That I’m deluding myself.

However, I’m also running an RP group on Facebook called The City of Gate that’s been going for years because the players are genuinely interested in what happens next. I know I’m never going to get the same level of participation and feedback from my stories as I do from my roleplay games, but a little would be nice!

I also know I won’t get any feedback if I don’t post anything, so I’m going to start posting my work-in-progress again. If you like the story, please tell me, so I don’t have to rely purely on empty hope and my own unreliable discipline. Talk to me. Please.

Thank you.

Have a great day 🙂

Real Magic

If you’ve been following me for a while you may already know that I believe in magic. For those that think I’m crazy, please let me explain.

Let’s start with the concepts that are the easiest to swallow. Helping others makes you feel better. Now, this could be explained as simple biochemistry. Helping others is beneficial to the mutual survival of our species, and our bodies reward us with a hit of dopamine for doing it.

It isn’t just other people though. It makes us feel good when we help animals, plants and we even get attached to objects. Why do we feel good when we get the old toaster working again? I think it’s because everything has a life of it’s own and, as a result, is affected by our positive or negative treatment of it. There’s even been experiments done that back up this belief.

I found this video in a short article that concludes that ’emanating positives vibes’ is the way to making the world a better place. That’s where my beliefs differ. I don’t think it’s enough to simply think happy thoughts. I think action is required to really make a positive change, however those actions go a lot more smoothly with a positive radiant attitude.

Basically, I believe that if you help people, people will help you. Not necessarily the same people though. There are plenty of people that will take everything you offer and give nothing back, and those people are not the kind of people that will help you achieve your life goals. However, there will be others that want to help you, and expect nothing in return. At least, they will if you’re a genuinely nice and helpful person. A smile can go a long way. It can do magic.

This feels like hogwash to a lot of people because sometimes it feels like no matter how hard we try nothing ever seems to go right for us. I believe that’s because the magic doesn’t just work for you, but also for people that don’t believe in it. Your positivity needs to be strong enough to counter not only other’s negativity, but those whose positive actions interfere with your own.

The more people we have in our lives telling us we can’t do what we’ve set out to accomplish, the harder it is to reach our goals because we fighting against their negative opinion. In some cases the best thing to do is to cut them out of your life entirely and find a new group of people to associate with. Preferably those who are already doing what you wish to do so that you can learn from them how it can be done.

Finding those people and being accepted by them takes a little magic. Not just positive thinking, but positive and helpful action. Be willing to do something for them and expect nothing in return. Ask their opinions and listen to their answers, and let them help you if they want to. Things will start going your way.

Magic hand by ambitiousstudio454

So far I’m just covering the basics. Things that a lot of people, at some level at least, already know. What’s less obvious is that positive and negative energies aren’t the only forces that influence us and the people around us. Various emotions and feelings can be used to change our environment. Maybe you’ve already noticed this too if you’ve ever had a friend or loved one that uses emotional manipulation to get their own way.

You can choose to express calmness and reason to encourage those around you to also calm down and be reasonable. You can also make people stressed by snapping at people and raising your voice. Words, and the emotions they express, have power. Being aware of this helps you to recognise when your own feelings are being affected by the words and actions or others and allows you to regulate and control those feelings, and perhaps exert some of your own influence to bring their feelings inline with your own.

This is much easier on a one-to-one basis. Calming a group of angry and upset people can take a lot out of you, and may even seem impossible, but if you can talk one of them around, then they can help you influence the others. If you can use the opportunity to demonstrate how their emotional expression can affect the emotions of others, they will be better able to work together without any outbursts spiraling out of control.

You’ll see some people, particularly online where people are afforded a certain level of anonymity, say ‘Your reaction is not my responsibility’ after they’ve upset somebody. This is only true if that person is aware that their emotions can be influenced by the words, actions and other emotional expressions of others, and realises that what they’re feeling is a result of the manipulative and emotive word choices of the speaker. Most of the time people just react exactly as the speaker intended, and if they refuse to take responsibility for it then they’re lying to themselves.

Feelings can also be influenced by images, music and smells. That’s why a work of visual art, or a piece of music can make us feel moved. It’s also why aromatherapy can be helpful, and why the smell of certain foods can trigger an emotional response. All of these emotional triggers can be used to influence people and to make their lives better where you can, they can also be used to manipulate, control and bully people too, but that path is going to make you more enemies than it does allies.

Magic is real. It can turn an enemy into a friend. A hobby into a full time job. A hopeless existence into a dream come true. It takes work, persistence and a lot of luck, but I believe that once you start to realise the magic of influence and use it to the advantage of yourself and your loved ones, the luckier you’ll become. It’ll be drawn to you, like magic!

Feel free to discuss this in the comments below, and have a great day 🙂

If you’ve been following me for a while you may already know that I believe in magic. For those that think I’m crazy, please let me explain.

Let’s start with the concepts that are the easiest to swallow. Helping others makes you feel better. Now, this could be explained as simple biochemistry. Helping others is beneficial to the mutual survival of our species, and our bodies reward us with a hit of dopamine for doing it.

It isn’t just other people though. It makes us feel good when we help animals, plants and we even get attached to objects. Why do we feel good when we get the old toaster working again? I think it’s because everything has a life of it’s own and, as a result, is affected by our positive or negative treatment of it. There’s even been experiments done that back up this belief.

I found this video in a short article that concludes that ’emanating positives vibes’ is the way to making the world a better place. That’s where my beliefs differ. I don’t think it’s enough to simply think happy thoughts. I think action is required to really make a positive change, however those actions go a lot more smoothly with a positive radiant attitude.

Basically, I believe that if you help people, people will help you. Not necessarily the same people though. There are plenty of people that will take everything you offer and give nothing back, and those people are not the kind of people that will help you achieve your life goals. However, there will be others that want to help you, and expect nothing in return. At least, they will if you’re a genuinely nice and helpful person. A smile can go a long way. It can do magic.

This feels like hogwash to a lot of people because sometimes it feels like no matter how hard we try nothing ever seems to go right for us. I believe that’s because the magic doesn’t just work for you, but also for people that don’t believe in it. Your positivity needs to be strong enough to counter not only other’s negativity, but those whose positive actions interfere with your own.

The more people we have in our lives telling us we can’t do what we’ve set out to accomplish, the harder it is to reach our goals because we fighting against their negative opinion. In some cases the best thing to do is to cut them out of your life entirely and find a new group of people to associate with. Preferably those who are already doing what you wish to do so that you can learn from them how it can be done.

Finding those people and being accepted by them takes a little magic. Not just positive thinking, but positive and helpful action. Be willing to do something for them and expect nothing in return. Ask their opinions and listen to their answers, and let them help you if they want to. Things will start going your way.

Magic hand by ambitiousstudio454

So far I’m just covering the basics. Things that a lot of people, at some level at least, already know. What’s less obvious is that positive and negative energies aren’t the only forces that influence us and the people around us. Various emotions and feelings can be used to change our environment. Maybe you’ve already noticed this too if you’ve ever had a friend or loved one that uses emotional manipulation to get their own way.

You can choose to express calmness and reason to encourage those around you to also calm down and be reasonable. You can also make people stressed by snapping at people and raising your voice. Words, and the emotions they express, have power. Being aware of this helps you to recognise when your own feelings are being affected by the words and actions or others and allows you to regulate and control those feelings, and perhaps exert some of your own influence to bring their feelings inline with your own.

This is much easier on a one-to-one basis. Calming a group of angry and upset people can take a lot out of you, and may even seem impossible, but if you can talk one of them around, then they can help you influence the others. If you can use the opportunity to demonstrate how their emotional expression can affect the emotions of others, they will be better able to work together without any outbursts spiraling out of control.

You’ll see some people, particularly online where people are afforded a certain level of anonymity, say ‘Your reaction is not my responsibility’ after they’ve upset somebody. This is only true if that person is aware that their emotions can be influenced by the words, actions and other emotional expressions of others, and realises that what they’re feeling is a result of the manipulative and emotive word choices of the speaker. Most of the time people just react exactly as the speaker intended, and if they refuse to take responsibility for it then they’re lying to themselves.

Feelings can also be influenced by images, music and smells. That’s why a work of visual art, or a piece of music can make us feel moved. It’s also why aromatherapy can be helpful, and why the smell of certain foods can trigger an emotional response. All of these emotional triggers can be used to influence people and to make their lives better where you can, they can also be used to manipulate, control and bully people too, but that path is going to make you more enemies than it does allies.

Magic is real. It can turn an enemy into a friend. A hobby into a full time job. A hopeless existence into a dream come true. It takes work, persistence and a lot of luck, but I believe that once you start to realise the magic of influence and use it to the advantage of yourself and your loved ones, the luckier you’ll become. It’ll be drawn to you, like magic!

Feel free to discuss this in the comments below, and have a great day 🙂